Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
