His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I need a beard to bite.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
