it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
