oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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