two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
