Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
