he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
