Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
