remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
