I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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