Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
