I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
