My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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