so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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