A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
