I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
