good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
