Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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