he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
