Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
