I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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