it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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