So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
