weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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