i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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