please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
