he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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