ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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