It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
