ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
