he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Houston, we have a squirter
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
