I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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