Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
