Non-Jews are for practice
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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