I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
