Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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