Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I am one with the molecules
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need a beard to bite.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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