I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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