Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
