Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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