at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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