i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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