you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
