i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
