I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
its liver damage thursday
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
