I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
