My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
