i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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