i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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