based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
