She just used a chaser for red wine.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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