he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
