I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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