Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
